She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
