Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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