come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
