I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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