New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
