There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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