whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
