was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
