Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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