I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
