I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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