omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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