A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
