my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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