what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
