we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
