who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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