Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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