Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
