Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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