you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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