3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
