can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
