my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
