1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As shirtless as possible
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
