i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
