i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
