I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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