Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
