My friends, they love my intelligence
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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