I didn't shave. On purpose
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize