dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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