yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
