There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
