That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize