I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
