she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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