he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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