why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
