I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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