I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
