My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
