You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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