my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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