if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
