I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I look better un-naked...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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