I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
