You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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