Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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