Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
