Joe is yelling at the trees again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
