I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
