The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
