The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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