Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize