so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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