I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
