I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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