i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
