Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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