Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
