I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
