i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I still have a little drunk in my system
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
