I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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