i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
