Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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