dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
