Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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