You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
