i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
