Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
