You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
