This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
