best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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