We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
