just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
