Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
