Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
