Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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