Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
