she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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